


a truth so loud you can't ignore

by mahsuri



Series: the adventures of aphrodite and adonis [2]
Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, minki and daniel are the only voices of reason, the honeymoon period is over yall time for the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23063524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahsuri/pseuds/mahsuri
Summary: Seongwu and Minhyun are very much still a new couple and they're happy — really happy. But insecurities and doubts start to rise when Seongwu finds out more about Minhyun's past.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Ong Seongwu
Series: the adventures of aphrodite and adonis [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1655728
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	a truth so loud you can't ignore

**Author's Note:**

> Set around four months after they start going out, so it's right outside of the honeymoon period.
> 
> Title taken from Troye Sivan's "YOUTH".

Seongwu doesn’t really know why he decided to meet his tutee at this particular cafe when they could have just met at the library but Jung Sewoon doesn’t seem to mind, which is a good thing for Seongwu now that he thinks about it because he desperately needs caffeine if he’s expected to stay awake for the next hour of this session. It’s three in the afternoon and Seongwu is just begging for the clock to move faster and reach five just so he can meet up with Minhyun for dinner like they usually do. 

He knows he saw Minhyun yesterday but Seongwu misses him.

He misses him so much.

The rain outside makes Seongwu even more sleepy with the way it gently patters on the glass next to him. God, he should have cancelled this session and gone to nap at Minhyun’s place instead.

“ _Hyung,_ ” Sewoon calls out to him.

“Hm?”

“Someone’s calling you.”

Sure enough, someone is calling him — he usually puts his phone on silent when he has a tutoring session — and speak of the devil, it’s Minhyun.

_hwangcheongie is calling…_

“Sorry,” Seongwu says to Sewoon, who just nods, before he picks up the phone.

He doesn’t hear much at first, just a faint rustle before Minhyun’s voice comes on the line. God, he didn’t realise how much he missed the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. Call him disgusting but Seongwu doesn’t care.

“Hi!” says Minhyun brightly. “Sorry, did I call you at a bad time? I know you’re tutoring right now.” He sounds a bit worried.

Seongwu chuckles, “no, it’s fine. We were just about to take a break anyway. So, what’s up?”

“Um, so, I don’t think I can make it tonight. Something came up with a friend and he desperately needs my help.” Minhyun continues, “can we get a raincheck for dinner?”

Seongwu would be lying if he said he wasn’t _a bit_ disappointed. They grab dinner at least three times a week. Maybe Seongwu just got used to the routine of it all but he doesn’t want to sound like a clingy boyfriend if Minhyun’s friend really needs help.

“Yah. Hwang Minhyun, why do you sound so guilty? It’s fine. We can always have dinner another time.” Seongwu tries to muster his most I-am-very-mature-and-not-even-a-bit-sad voice.

“Really?” says Minhyun relieved, “Thanks, babe. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Bye, _Hwangcheongie._ ”

Minhyun laughs. “Bye-bye, _Ongcheongie_.”

Seongwu hangs up and catches himself grinning. He looks up from his phone, trying to keep a straight face only to see Sewoon stare at him blankly. Now, Sewoon has always been a bit weird to him but now he’s just outright staring at Seongwu with his mouth agape.

“What is it?” asks Seongwu slowly.

“Was that Minhyun- _hyung?_ ” Sewoon continues to stare at him, unblinking.

_Wait a second._

“You know Hwang Minhyun? The Japanese language major? Born in '95?” There's a lot of Hwang Minhyuns so Seongwu just needs to Make Sure.

“Yes, that's him! He was my _sunbae_ in high school!” Sewoon almost jumps out of his seat in excitement, the drab of the work earlier seemingly forgotten. “Part of the reason why I chose this uni is because I wanted to see him and the _hyungs_ again!” Seongwu doesn't know how but the boy looks like he has sparkles around him. 

“The _hyungs_? Do you mean Jonghyun and the rest?”

Sewoon nods. “Wow, I haven't seen them in a while. It was so shocking hearing that Jonghyun- _hyung_ and Minki- _hyung_ started dating, though.”

Normally, Seongwu doesn't care about other people's business but he finds himself intrigued by what Sewoon has to say. “What do you mean?”

“Well, Jonghyun- _hyung_ and Minhyun- _hyung_ were already dating when I met them. They dated throughout high school but then they suddenly broke up when they went to college.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I know right! And then Jonghyun- _hyung_ started going out with Minki- _hyung_ , like, a year later. We all thought they'd get back together, though. But at this point, who cares!” Sewoon ends his spiel with a bright smile. “They’re all happy now and that's all that matters.”

Seongwu isn’t sure what it is but he hears something shattering.

*

“ _Hyung_ , I really don’t understand what the problem is here,” says Daniel over dinner, still in the middle of slurping up his noodles. 

“What do you mean?” Call it a nervous tick but Seongwu’s knee hasn’t stopped bouncing since they sat down at the table.

“It’s a past relationship, _hyung_. You've dated other people before. You have exes — a lot of them too, I might add — versus, what, Minhyun- _hyung’s_ grand total of one ex?” Seongwu hates it when Daniel is rational because that means that Daniel is right and he hates it when Daniel is right. Sure, Seongwu has had a number of past relationships but they usually end with him being heartbroken, no matter who was the one doing the breaking up and no matter how short their time together was.

“But, that’s the thing. They were together all throughout high school, that means that they were together for _at least_ three years! That’s like… one year short of calling it a ‘long term relationship’. And they’re still _friends._ They have _nicknames_ for each other. They see each other all the time, too.” Seongwu knows that this is all probably an overreaction but he can’t help this feeling of doubt that’s bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

“Consider this: they’ve known each other for way longer than you and Minhyun- _hyung_ have.” Daniel sips on his drink. “I think you’re just jealous, _hyung_. And if you’re so worried, then just ask Minhyun- _hyung_ about it! He’s your boyfriend, you’re meant to ask him questions about himself.”

Well, Seongwu could. Seongwu _should_ . But the prospect of asking Minhyun about his past relationship(s) just makes Seongwu feel _a little_ nervous. Okay, maybe _a lot_ nervous.

“I can’t just _do_ that.”

Daniel puts down his chopsticks, exhausted by the direction of this conversation. “Why can’t you?”

“He’s, uh, busy,” Seongwu quickly lies.

For some reason, something clicks in Daniel’s head because he nods his head in acknowledgment. “Ah! That’s right. He’s in the council. He looked so tired when I saw him the other day.”

Seongwu’s ears perk up. “You saw him? When?”

“A couple of days ago I think…?” Daniel stops to ponder for a few seconds. “Wednesday! It was Wednesday. We bumped into each other after my night class. He said he was just finishing up with council work, the poor guy looked like a zombie.” Seongwu frowns. A couple of days ago means the day Minhyun cancelled on him, saying that a friend needed his help. Was Minhyun lying to him? “You should be nicer to your boyfriend, Seongwu- _hyung._ He looks like he’s about to get his ass beat by life.”

“I didn’t know,” says Seongwu quietly.

“What?”

“I didn’t know he was feeling down.”

Daniel leans back on his chair. “He probably didn’t want to worry you then, _hyung._ You know how he likes to keep up his appearance.”

Seongwu does know that. That’s why it was shocking at first when he found out how childish and weird Minhyun was, considering his icy aura of a prince. He’s kind and warm but detached from most people around him, approachable and helpful but that doesn’t mean he’s particularly close to them. The people around campus even call him ‘Emperor Hwang’. It’s funny seeing how wrong people are with their perception of a certain Hwang Minhyun. Only a few people know how he’s actually like, Seongwu included. At least, that’s what Seongwu thought before right now.

“Yes, but I’m his boyfriend. I should know about these things,” says Seongwu, “shouldn’t I?”

Daniel shrugs. “Whatever it is, you should just ask him, _hyung_. Getting all in a tizzy because you’re worried is just gonna make things worse for the both of you in the long run. Just _ask_ him.”

“You’re right.” Seongwu nods. “I should just ask him.”

“Ugh! Finally!” Daniel lifts his hands up in victory. “By the way, you’re paying for this, right _hyung?_ ” Daniel points to the multiple bowls of _jajangmyeon_ that he somehow managed to devour in the past couple of hours.

Seongwu laughs. “As if, punk.”

They don’t go home together as Seongwu decides to take a detour to the park near their building. He needs some fresh air to clear his head, he thinks. Seongwu is just overreacting, probably. But, the zero point zero one percent of doubt just keeps growing in the pit of his stomach. Minhyun means well, Seongwu knows that, but his boyfriend keeping things from him makes Seongwu uncomfortable by a lot.

The park around him is practically deserted with only a few strays here and there, which makes sense considering the timing. Seongwu sits on a bench nearest to the biggest tree there and just tries to soak in the feeling of nature around him. And despite summer slowly creeping in, the breeze tonight feels particularly chilly to Seongwu — it kind of reminds him of the cold in which he met Minhyun in.

The conversation of past relationships was never brought up because a) Seongwu was a firm believer of the past staying in the past and b) he was also secretly worried of what he might hear. Now, Seongwu knows that the past is very much still ingrained in Minhyun’s present, where _he_ is supposed to be. And that makes Seongwu scared.

And before Seongwu can even think, he finds himself dialing Minhyun’s number. Minhyun doesn’t know this but Seongwu actually had his number memorised the day he gave it to him in that classroom five months ago.

Several dials pass by and Seongwu is sure that Minhyun won’t be picking up but just at the last second, his call goes through.

“Seongwu…?” says Minhyun, voice groggy. He must’ve just woken up. Minhyun _is_ an early riser but eleven PM is still early, even for him. He must’ve been really tired.

“Were you asleep? I’m sorry, you can just hang up,” says Seongwu quickly. He feels guilty knowing that he woke Minhyun up from his precious sleep, _especially_ now that Daniel just told him how exhausted Minhyun has been lately. Seongwu wishes he uses his brain more often.

His worry is about to skyrocket as he thinks about it more and more when Minhyun’s response immediately calms him down.

“No, it’s okay,” Minhyun laughs softly. “I don’t mind.”

Even through the phone, Seongwu can tell that Minhyun is smiling. “You don’t?”

“No, I don’t.” 

They stay silent for a few beats and then Seongwu says in a small voice, “Minhyun- _ah_ …” He doesn’t really know what he wants to tell Minhyun. Should he just cry about how insecure he feels? That would just worry the guy even more.

Apparently, Minhyun can hear his inner dilemma, even when he’s currently half awake because he asks in a voice laced with concern, “baby, what’s wrong?” 

And god, does that make Seongwu want to cry even more now.

“Minhyun- _ah_ , you know I like you, right? I really like you.” Seongwu’s voice is quiet, barely a whisper, as if he’s afraid of Minhyun hearing the words and saying the opposite of what he hopes to hear.

“Mhm, I know. I really like you too, Seongwu- _yah_ ,” Minhyun whispers in reply and Seongwu swears his breath hitches.

They go silent again, nothing but their own breathing can be heard.

“Minhyun- _ah._ ”

But this time, Minhyun doesn’t answer. Seongwu can hear the soft breathing on the other line that tells him that Minhyun must have fallen asleep again. Seongwu lets out a sigh and ends the call.

He misses Minhyun already.

He misses Minhyun so much.

Seongwu puts his head in his hands and just sits there on the bench, trying to recollect himself after the phone call. He doesn’t want to cry but the tears threaten to push through. He takes a deep breath again, telling himself to _calm down_ and wipes at his eyes before standing up to make his way back to his dorm where Daniel is probably still awake, playing Overwatch.

Seongwu turns around in the direction of the building and trudges his way back, ignoring the feeling of his heart constricting with every step he takes.

*

Ever since last semester, Seongwu and Minhyun have decided on a routine; every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, they would meet at the library to study together at the table near the back of the library where they would have a little more privacy. Without fail (so far), they’ve always done this so why does Seongwu feel so nervous at the idea of seeing his boyfriend — who he sees almost every day in general and thrice a week to study with — when this is all a regular occurance? Seongwu just hopes that Minhyun forgot about the phone call over the weekend, he has enough embarrassment to deal with. It’s not like they haven’t been texting at all either, it’s just that Seongwu never brought it up and _thankfully_ , Minhyun hasn’t either.

Minhyun should’ve been here half an hour ago and he’s not the type to be late to things and even if it is one of the rare times he’s late, he would usually shoot Seongwu a text to explain why he got held up. But there is nothing new in Seongwu’s recent messages, no notifications in the last hour. Nothing. Just nothing.

That ugly monster at the pit of Seongwu’s stomach just starts to grow more and more with each passing minute. An insecurity that’s slowly being incubated in his head.

“Seongwu!” a voice so unmistakably Minhyun’s calls out to him. Seongwu looks up and feels instant relief at the sight of his boyfriend but it’s quickly replaced with an inexplicable feeling of doubt.

Minhyun leans in to kiss Seongwu in greeting (like he always does) and Seongwu doesn’t know why but he finds himself flinching and turns his head away at the last second. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Minhyun who frowns after such a clear rejection that has never happened before. Minhyun looks down and sees that Seongwu’s hands are both balled up into fists.

“Seongwu- _yah_ ,” whispers Minhyun softly. “What’s wrong? Hm?”

Seongwu doesn’t answer and keeps his gaze straight ahead. He’s afraid that if he so much as looks at Minhyun, he’d just break down in tears. He clenches his fists even tighter at the thought of his own stupidity before he feels Minhyun’s hand on his, slowly unravelling his fingers and intertwining Seongwu’s with his. He stays there, holding Seongwu’s hand, his head resting on Seongwu’s shoulder, not saying a word. All Seongwu wants to do is squeeze Minhyun’s hand back but he can’t allow himself that kind of luxury. For some reason, Seongwu feels like he should be punished.

“Minhyun- _ah_ ,” Seongwu says slowly.

“Hm?”

“Can you let go?”

Minhyun must be shocked because he freezes. Hand still in Seongwu’s, Minhyun cautiously lifts his head from his shoulder and stares at the man beside him, who still won’t turn to look at him in the eye. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Seongwu shakes his head. “No. Not now.”

“Will you tell me when you’re ready then?”

Fearing that his voice might break, Seongwu just nods.

“Okay.” 

Minhyun lets go of his hand and Seongwu can’t help but notice how much lonelier he feels now more than ever.

They study in silence, the air growing thicker and thicker as time passes.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s suffocating.

Seongwu doesn’t say a word but neither does Minhyun. Seongwu doesn’t even know what’s on the page in front of him anymore either. He’s been reading the same line over and over again but his brain keeps giving him warnings that Minhyun is close in his proximity. He can’t focus. He can’t focus at all.

Seongwu finally sneaks a glance at Minhyun, who doesn’t notice, eyes trained on the work in front of him. Normally, when Seongwu looks at Minhyun this up close, he would feel his heart burst at the thought of liking and adoring this man so much but now there’s another swell in his chest, one that’s much more painful for him to bear. Looking at Minhyun now, Seongwu can see how tired Minhyun looks; there are dark circles under his eyes, and he looks gaunt — when they first met, Minhyun’s cheeks were full and soft but he seems to have lost a lot of weight recently. And the worst part of it all is the fact that Seongwu didn’t notice. Seongwu didn’t notice how tired Minhyun has been at all. 

Minhyun’s eyes lazily glaze over his textbook, head nodding along with the words he mutters under his breath while he reads, trying to keep himself awake until he can’t anymore. And then it happens; Minhyun’s head that he had been propping up with his hand, slips from it and slams into the desk, promptly waking himself up and turning a few heads while he does it. He groans in pain as Seongwu stares in shock.

“Minhyun- _ah!_ ” 

Seongwu grabs either side of Minhyun’s face and his eyes dart all around it, trying to check if he’s bleeding anywhere. “Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?”

And then the motherfucker laughs.

Minhyun starts laughing as soon as he sees the look of panic in Seongwu’s eyes.

Face still in Seongwu’s hands, Minhyun says, “you’re finally looking at me.” And he grins while Seongwu frowns at him. “I wish it wasn’t when my nose is broken though.”

“Your nose is broken?!” Seongwu almost yells. At this point, Seongwu doesn’t care if they get kicked out. Library be damned. They need to go to the hospital.

“Shh!” Minhyun looks around and waits until the people disturbed by the loud noise turn away before slowly placing his hands over Seongwu’s. “I’m fine. I was joking.” Seongwu’s frown grows deeper. “See? I’m fine, baby. Relax.”

Seongwu yanks his hands away from Minhyun. “If you were tired, you should have just cancelled.” He feels it again, that monster that’s growing. He feels himself getting agitated the more Minhyun speaks like this situation is funny.

“I already cancelled last week and I didn’t want to worry you…” Minhyun pouts, still thinking that his boyfriend is just playing around.

“Geez, Minhyun. You just passed out in front of me.” Seongwu sighs. “Didn’t want me to worry my ass.”

The look on Minhyun’s face changes as he realises that Seongwu is actually angry with him. “Why are you so mad at me?” He’s confused. Minhyun looks at him with genuine confusion.

Seongwu finds himself laughing at the question, bitter and unrelenting. And then he says something he instantly regrets as soon as the words leave his tongue. “Since you’re so good at thinking for yourself, why don’t you just figure it out?” He huffs out the words and sees Minhyun stare at him, expression unreadable.

The silence between them swells with uncomfortable speed and Seongwu needs to escape the situation as soon as possible. Fear and embarrassment sink into him all at once and Seongwu packs his things at light speed in panic, all while being watched by Minhyun, who doesn’t take his eyes off of Seongwu.

Seongwu stands up to leave. He takes one last look at Minhyun and whispers a small, “I’m sorry.” He moves past Minhyun but finds he can’t move. Minhyun had grabbed his wrist, planting his feet to the ground.

If tears didn’t already spill during his outburst, then they definitely do now.

Minhyun brings them to the council room which is, thankfully, currently empty. He locks the door behind them and then sits Seongwu down on the couch that they have there. It’s the first time that Seongwu has ever been in the council room. This is another part of Minhyun’s life that he has yet to be part of. It makes him feel a little lonely.

Minhyun rummages through the shelves before he finds the thing he was looking for. He hands Seongwu a box of tissues silently and sits beside him, one hand gripping Seongwu’s knee to stop it from shaking and the other on Seongwu’s back, rubbing circles to help calm him down.

“So,” Minhyun says after a while, “do you want to tell me what that was all about?”

Seongwu dodges the question. “What about you?”

“What _about_ me?”

“Seriously? You passed out earlier.” Seongwu feels himself frown again. The muscles in his face are starting to hurt.

Minhyun chuckles lightly. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Then you don’t have to worry about me either.”

Now it’s Minhyuns turn to frown. “Seongwu.”

“Minhyun.”

They have a staredown, neither of them wanting to give in and lose to the other person. Seongwu doesn’t even know what this will all prove but he’s starting to feel angry again.

“Is it that bad that I’m worried about you?” asks Minhyun.

Seongwu laughs, no humour in his voice. “Is it that bad that I’m worried about _you_?”

_What will this useless back-and-forth even accomplish?_ Seongwu thinks.

After a few moments, Seongwu says, “Minhyun- _ah_ , I’m tired.” _I'm tired of this._ “I’m gonna go back home.”

“Let me take you there!” Minhyun perks up and is about to stand up before Seongwu stops him.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll go alone.” Seongwu tries to smile but he can’t help but know that it comes out forced. And he knows Minhyun can tell too.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Minhyun nods. “Okay, then.” And then, before Seongwu can stop him or protest, Minhyun leans in and plants a soft kiss on Seongwu’s cheek. It’s slow and lingers, and it’s also the first kiss they’ve had in a week. Seongwu feels himself going red, only to see it mirrored on Minhyun’s own face when the man pulls back. They’ve been together for four months now, and acts like these still make Seongwu shy.

Just as Seongwu feels himself lean in again, they hear a phone ring. They break apart. The call is loud and it’s not a ringtone that Seongwu recognises as his own. Minhyun pulls his phone out of his pocket and Seongwu doesn’t miss the caller ID flashing on the black screen.

_Jju is calling…_

“I’m going now.” Seongwu abruptly stands up and opens the door before finally leaving the room, missing the look of confusion etched on Minhyun’s face amidst the loud ringtone blaring like a warning.

*

“Something must be wrong — very, very wrong — if you are coming to _me_ for help.” Minki takes a scoop from his McFlurry.

Okay, maybe in a state of panic, Seongwu ended up begging Minki to see him. Minki is a good guy too, and agreed to it with the condition that Seongwu pays for anything he felt like eating that day. Seongwu was desperate and agreed but thankfully, all Minki wanted was ice cream from a _very_ student friendly priced family food joint called McDonald's.

“It’s about Minhyun,” Seongwu starts.

Minki lets out a laugh. “I could’ve guessed that. So, what’s up?”

“It might make you uncomfortable.” Hell, it makes Seongwu uncomfortable to even ask about this.

This makes Minki squint. “Wait a minute,” he starts. “Did you…? No.” And then he vehemently shakes his head. _Fuck, does Minki already know that I want to ask about Jonghyun?_ “Sorry, but no. I do not want to hear about you and Minhyun fucking.” _What?_ “Right in front of my salad? Right now? No. Absolutely not.”

“What? No! No! Me and Minhyun haven’t. We don’t -” Seongwu knows he’s turning red, but his embarrassment just skyrocketed tenfold and the conversation hasn’t even gone on for five minutes yet.

“You haven’t?” Seongwu shakes his head. “Then why the fuck did you preface it like that. God! Seongwu, you freaked me out. I almost threw my ice cream at your face.” Minki pauses, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You know, with how much Minhyun hated going to clubs, I thought he was an incel but like… voluntarily.”

“So he’s just celibate?”

“Either that or he’s boring. Actually, I think it was something about saving himself for marriage?” Seongwu can’t even tell where the jokes start and where they end.

“I said it might make you uncomfortable because it involves your boyfriend…”

This must’ve turned on a lightbulb in Minki’s head because he makes a sound of acknowledgement. “Ah. How did Minhyun tell you about that anyway? He didn’t say anything to me though.”

“He didn’t.” Minki tilts his head, confused. “Someone else told me about it and I’ve been too scared to bring it up.”

“You don’t have to be scared. Everything’s cool with us,” Minki explains. “It was a long time ago, too. And we’re not the type to hold grudges even if we were upset about it.”

“Don’t you get insecure though? With how close they are?” 

Minki laughs. “No, Jonghyun tells me everything. If he ever caught feelings a second time, I would know.”

“That’s another thing that’s been bothering me lately.” Seongwu sighs. “Minhyun just… doesn’t tell me anything. I have no idea what he’s thinking sometimes. He’s always exhausted these days too but he acts all fine and dandy with me. It really makes me sad.”

“God, can we trade Minhyuns? He never shuts up when he’s with us.”

Seongwu’s ears perk up. “Did he say anything about me to you guys?”

Minki nods. “Yeah. All the time, the disgusting bastard. But lately he’s just been moping around about how worried he is about you. He told me about the thing that happened at the library, too.”

“Oh.”

“Listen, Seongwu.” He puts down his ice cream cup and sits up straight, like he’s about to give Seongwu a lecture. “The way I see it, you both are idiots. Full offense. You guys are just not _talking_ to each other. A relationship goes both ways, right? You both have to pick up the slack. Minhyun is an idiot and thinks that by not telling you something, you won’t get worried when it has the exact opposite effect. We don’t get worried because we know what he’s like and he’s used to us. But he’s not used to _you_ . And you’re an idiot because you’ve been bottling this up inside for so long. And for what? You’re still upset and _he’s_ still upset.” 

“I -”

“This is none of my goddamn business but goddammit, you guys are being so annoying right now.” Minki sighs, exasperated and crosses his arms. Clearly, he’s had this conversation before.

“You and Jonghyun seem so perfect. It makes me a little envious.”

“Are you insane? We fight all the time.” Minki throws his head back in laughter. “Jonghyun and I argue all the time, Seongwu. But then we always come back to discuss it so we can find the root of the problem.” Seongwu nods. “And then we fuck afterwards, so it’s all good.” Minki nonchalantly adds, a wistful expression on his face.

“I - I really didn’t need to know that.”

“Anyway, you should talk to Minhyun. He’s been freaking out.”

Seongwu nods. “You’re right. Do you know where he is right now?”

“Hm. I think he’s with Jonghyun? They grab dinner like, once a week. Jonghyun says it’s been a weekly therapy session lately, though.” Minki sees the expression on Seongwu’s face. “Dude, relax. Minhyun is just moping. There’s nothing going on between them.”

Seongwu can trust Minki’s words on Jonghyun’s side but the doubt just keeps growing when it comes to Minhyun.

He knows Minhyun is a good person but he’s still scared. 

So, Seongwu walks to clear his mind.

He takes a walk through the streets of the city and just keeps walking and walking until he finds himself at the base of Minhyun’s apartment building. Minhyun won’t be there and neither will Dongho since Seongwu knows the latter has been camping out at the studio if his texts with Minhyun from a week before are still applicable. Seongwu rarely goes to Minhyun’s apartment, mainly because he knows the guy will go into a cleaning frenzy before and after he’s there. But even though he rarely goes, Minhyun still told him where he can find a spare key.

Seongwu lifts the flower pot filled with artificial flowers and finds the small envelope underneath. He opens it and takes the key out. The door unlocks with ease and Seongwu steps into the apartment. 

The lights are all turned off, signalling that no one is home right now.

Seongwu doesn’t bother to take off his jacket before he sits down on the sofa and waits.

He waits.

And waits.

And he continues waiting.

A couple of hours pass before Seongwu hears the door open and Minhyun’s footsteps as he walks into the entrance. Minhyun still hasn’t realised that Seongwu is here right now. The lights in the apartment are still dim. He didn’t bother turning on all the lights because he knows that this conversation will be short.

Minhyun looks up. “Seongwu! Why didn’t you say you were coming over?” Seongwu doesn’t miss the forced cheery tone in his voice.

“Where were you?” asks Seongwu, trying his best to keep his voice leveled.

“Hm? It doesn’t matter now that you’re here,” replies Minhyun simply, flashing a grin but Seongwu also doesn’t miss the yawn that Minhyun covers his hand with.

Seongwu can’t take this anymore.

“Minhyun- _ah_ , are you tired of me or something?”

This must have alarmed Minhyun because now his voice raises a little. “What? Why would you say that?”

“Why are you always hiding that you’re tired from me? Do you not want me to know things about you? You’re always tired. And you always tell me that you’re okay when you clearly aren’t. Why don’t you just tell me? I’m not a childhood friend who knows you inside out. I’ve only known you for five months, Minhyun. I’m trying to know you but you won’t let me.” That monster in Seongwu keeps getting bigger and bigger the more he speaks. He can’t stop himself anymore. The words rush out like they have a mind of their own. “This isn’t even the only thing that you’ve opted to not tell me about either.” Minhyun stares at him, utterly confused. “Minhyun- _ah_ , when were you ever going to tell me that you and Jonghyun used to date? Or were you never going to tell me at all?”

“I didn’t tell you about that because it doesn’t matter. None of that matters,” says Minhyun, exasperated. 

“Why the hell would it not matter? It’s about _you_. Of course it matters to me.” It’s not Seongwu speaking anymore, it’s the monster in his stomach that has taken control of his tongue and clouded his head with more and more doubt. “How did you even break up? How are you guys still friends?”

“It was mutual! One day, I decided that I didn’t want it anymore -” before Minhyun can finish, Seongwu bursts.

“What if one day, you wake up and realise that you don’t want to be with me anymore? You just said that that’s what happened with you and Jonghyun.” Seongwu can’t help the tears that start to prick his eyes. “I’m not asking you to be with me forever, and hell, I’m not even expecting you to but Minhyun- _ah_ , I need some consistency here.”

“That won’t happen,” says Minhyun quietly.

“What the hell do you mean by that? Were you expecting this relationship that we have to be short?”

Minhyun stays silent but gazes into his eyes as if pleading for Seongwu to believe him. He doesn’t. None of this is reassuring to him. And then he blurts out the one insecurity that he has been trying to beat down inside of him.

“Minhyun- _ah_ , are you still in love with Jonghyun?”

“No. Why would you ask something like that?” Seongwu can hear the anger bubbling in Minhyun’s voice. “Don’t you trust me? Is that why Minki told me that you’ve been asking questions?”

Seongwu doesn’t know why but he finds himself laughing at the question. Through gritted teeth he says, “well you don’t give me any reason to. You always keep to yourself and you don’t tell me anything! This is just one case but you never tell me when something is important. How can I know what you’re thinking if you don’t _say_ anything? I’m constantly trying to figure you out.”

“Well, if you want to know something then ask me! I don’t like how you’ve been going to other people and asking them for information about me.” Dongho once told Seongwu that he’s never seen Minhyun angry. Seongwu must've struck a nerve then because Minhyun is glaring at him way more intensely than he did the night they met. This is Minhyun’s real anger, not one that he uses to mask his awkwardness.

Minhyun may be angry, but Seongwu is furious.

“Are you fucking kidding me? How can I even ask you if you’re never there?” Seongwu runs a hand through his hair. This is so _frustrating._ “Fuck, are you for real?”

The room falls silent, nothing but the sound of their breathing can be heard.

“Get out, Seongwu.” Minhyun doesn’t even look at him.

“What?” Seongwu’s voice sounds like a squeak.

“Get out of my house.” Minhyun’s voice sounds even, like he’s still holding himself back.

Seongwu laughs again but the situation is anything but funny. “You’re still not saying what you mean?”

Minhyun looks at him now, a look of hurt that mirrors his own. “I said,” Minhyun takes a deep breath. “Get. Out.”

Seongwu does, and slams the door behind him.

*

It's nearing three AM and Seongwu regrets it. Hell, he regretted it as soon as he stepped his foot out of Minhyun’s apartment. He regrets putting Minhyun on the spot like that, he shouldn’t have done it. But he was so mad, he was so mad that Minhyun didn’t seem to understand why Seongwu was angry but Seongwu was even more mad that Minhyun didn’t even try to explain himself, either. Minhyun seemed resigned, like he had already given up on this relationship — on _their_ relationship.

Ah, fuck. Seongwu should apologise but he’s scared. What Minhyun did wasn’t right but Seongwu isn’t innocent, either. But if he’s being honest, seeing Minhyun actually upset terrifies Seongwu. He’s the reason why Minhyun looked so hurt before he told Seongwu to leave.

Seongwu can’t get the look of Minhyun’s pained expression out of his head. It’s gnawing at him from the inside-out.

He did this.

Seongwu did this.

He’s about to cry when he hears a buzz coming from his phone.

He got a message from the one person he's terrified of seeing right now.

**don’t respond**

I’m outside.

Can we talk? Please?

Seongwu gets out of bed and lightly steps out to their small living room, making his way to the front door. He hesitates when he reaches for the doorknob, his hand visibly shaking.

_You can do this, Seongwu._

He turns the knob and opens the door to see Minhyun standing there, face flushed, slightly panting like he ran here. Minhyun leans his hand on the doorframe, still catching his breath.

It's quiet. They don’t say anything at first.

“Do you -” Seongwu starts.

“I’m sorry,” Minhyun cuts him off. “I’m really sorry.”

“What?”

“I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that. I was being a jerk.”

Seongwu doesn't really know what to say, so he doesn't say anything.

Minhyun sighs. “You were right. I can’t expect you to know everything about me without saying anything. After you left, I called Jonghyun to rant,” Minhyun notices the way Seongwu flinches slightly at the mention of his name. “We talked about you, you know? And he pretty much yelled at me, too.” Minhyun chuckles at this. “He told me that I can’t treat you like a childhood best friend who already knows everything about me without me having to say anything. You’re new to me. We both have to learn about each other. He’s right and you were right, too.”

Seongwu doesn’t know what compels him to, but he reaches out and pulls Minhyun into a hug. “I’m sorry, too,” Seongwu whispers. “I shouldn’t have cornered you like that. I should have just asked.”

“You can ask me anything, I won’t get upset. I promise,” Minhyun says into his neck, arms circling around Seongwu even tighter before pulling away.

“Did you run here?” Seongwu jokes.

Minhyun laughs. “No, I drove here but your elevator was taking too long so I ran up the stairs.”

“Minhyun- _ah_ , I live on the sixth floor.”

“I know that.”

Seongwu laughs. “You’re so silly, Minhyun.”

“I know that, too.”

Seongwu reaches out his hand and takes Minhyun’s before they make their way to his bedroom, making sure to not make a sound because Daniel is still sleeping. After closing the door behind him, Seongwu lays down on the bed while Minhyun takes off his jacket and neatly folds it before setting it on Seongwu's desk chair.

“Really?” asks Seongwu.

“What?” 

“Nevermind.” Seongwu softly pats the space beside him, beckoning Minhyun to fill up the spot. Granted, there isn’t much space on Seongwu’s twin bed but they manage to make it fit.

“So…” says Minhyun awkwardly.

“I can just ask you anything, right?” Minhyun nods. “Okay, can I ask you the reason why you and Jonghyun broke up? You guys were together for a long time, weren’t you?”

“Hmm. Well, it’s not much of a story,” replies Minhyun, his voice a whisper. He stares up at the ceiling. “We were together for around… four years? I think. Give or take. We thought it was only the next natural step, you know? We've known each other the longest — we met the others in middle school but we've known each other since our sandpit eras. So, one day we were like ‘let’s just date?’” Minhyun laughs. “It was a bit silly actually. But we liked being together and everything and I guess, that was the problem. When we went to college, we couldn’t spend that much time together anymore. Suddenly, we realised that we didn’t have hobbies _outside_ of each other. It was a bit suffocating, actually — how dependent we were on each other. Every time Jonghyun had class and I was free, I’d just mope around and do nothing and he did the same, too. It was a bit concerning, I’m not gonna lie.” Minhyun turns his head and looks at Seongwu. “On the day we broke up, Jonghyun already knew why because he felt the same way.”

Seongwu stays quiet for a while before he finally asks, “wasn’t it awkward though? Hanging out again?”

“Well, it was at first. I won’t lie about that. And the rest of our friends could _feel_ the awkwardness, you know? We wouldn't hang out outside of group functions for a couple of months. But then I got fed up.” Minhyun chuckles. “So, I called him and demanded we hang out because I couldn’t stand not being able to make fun of him on a regular basis.” Seongwu finds himself chuckling at this, too. He can vividly picture Minhyun doing that to an ex. “We’re childhood friends and I wanted us to stay that way.”

But there's something else that's bothering Seongwu about this whole thing, too. “What about Minki?” asks Seongwu.

“What _about_ Minki?” Minhyun quirks up an eyebrow. Even in the darkness his face is visibly confused.

“How were you okay with Jonghyun and Minki dating? Wasn’t that weird? Like? You've all known each other since middle school.”

“Believe it or not, I played cupid.”

“WHAT?” His voice goes a little too loud and Minhyun quickly covers Seongwu's mouth with his hands.

“Shh.” Minhyun turns his head, trying to listen to whether or not Daniel might have woken up. “It’s not a big deal. They’re happy together, too. And that’s all I want for my friends. Now, if I let you go, will you stop freaking out?”

Mouth still covered, Seongwu nods.

Minhyun gently lifts his hands from Seongwu and smiles at him. “You know? I was pretty mad when you asked me if I was still in love with Jonghyun. If you ask me if I love him, I’d say yes — I don’t think I will ever stop loving him. But, if you ask me if I’m _in_ love with him, I’d say no — I’m too busy being in love with someone else.”

Seongwu feels his cheeks heat up from the confession. Minhyun still has this effect on him and it drives him crazy.

“You love me?” Seongwu can _hear_ how heavy his heart is beating and he wonders if Minhyun can hear it too. He must be able to because Minhyun smiles before he replies.

“Yes, I love you.”

Seongwu stays quiet.

Seongwu stays a little too quiet and the words push themselves out of Minhyun’s mouth a little less gracefully than usual. “And if you’re worried that one day I’m gonna wake up and _realise_ that I don’t want to be with you anymore, you shouldn’t. I never realised it with Jonghyun, I _decided_ it. Just like how I’m deciding that I want to be with you.” 

“Minhyun.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, too.”

Minhyun smiles even wider than before. “I know.”

This time, it’s Seongwu who leans in, lightly pressing his lips to Minhyun’s. It was supposed to be gentle and chaste but Minhyun kisses him back with way more enthusiasm than Seongwu initially gave. He slowly prods Seongwu’s mouth open with his tongue and now Seongwu is sure he’s melting. It feels so hot, not just on his face where he knows he’s furiously blushing but wherever Minhyun’s hands touch him. He touches Seongwu on his neck and his hands slowly travel to Seongwu’s arms and then to his waist where Minhyun grips him tightly, not wanting to let go.

Seongwu bites Minhyun’s lower lip, hard enough for him to elicit a groan but not hard enough for him to bleed.

“Seongwu…” Minhyun says between kisses. “Seongwu, fuck. Wait.”

“Hm?”

“I want to do more. I really, really do. But I can’t.” Seongwu pulls away to look at Minhyuns face. Even in the darkness of his bedroom, he can see that Minhyun’s eyes are glazed over, his lips bruised and slick with spit. “I’m seriously so tired right now, I’m about to pass out.”

Seongwu laughs. “Aww, I forgot that it’s way past my baby’s nap time.” 

“Please, I have to wake up in three hours. Can we, like, reschedule this? Like, five PM on a Saturday or something. We can do this after I get some rest. I really need to catch up on my sleep.” Seongwu can’t believe that _this_ is the man he’s in love with.

“Minhyun- _ah._ ”

“Hm?”

“Is it true that you’re a virgin? And that you’ve been saving yourself for marriage?”

Minhyun opens his eyes. “What? Who said that? Was it Minki?” Seongwu nods and Minhyun sighs, leaning in closer to him. “Marriage is a social construct and just like Voldemort, I, too, have done the act of sexual intercourse.”

“That’s the comparison you chose to draw?” Seongwu laughs again but he honestly feels like crying after hearing Minhyun’s choice of words. _What is up with this man?_

“You’re the one who made the terrible choice of wanting to date me and also, you’re the one who asked. Now please, I’m about to pass out.” Minhyun mumbles, lips on Seongwu’s ear. _His breath tickles,_ Seongwu thinks.

“Did something happen with the council?” asks Seongwu.

“Yeah, someone quit two weeks ago so I have to be the one picking up their work since the _hoobaes_ are still new to the job. God, I’ve been so tired lately.” Minhyun buries his face in Seongwu’s neck, arms holding him tighter, his body flush against Seongwu’s. “I just want to sleep here. Can I sleep here?”

“Of course you can,” Seongwu replies. He’s met with tired sighs as he gently combs his hand through Minhyun’s hair, lulling him to sleep.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this addition to universe. I actually was planning on adding it to the main story but then I realised that it didn't really fit the vibe of that one; this fic is a little darker and more serious than the main story and so I decided to keep it separate.
> 
> The idea for this was that it's easy to fall in love, and who you fall in love with is not a choice but staying together and working hard to be with the one you love is. I believe that love is a choice, one that a lot of people look over.
> 
> Thank you to apps (candy_bong) for being my beta reader again and generally helping me throughout the entire process of writing this. You helped me a tonne <3
> 
> I hope to hear more of your feedback. I might not reply to comments sometimes but I read all of them!
> 
> i dump my fics here [@polarismp4](https://twitter.com/polarismp4)


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